Jeremy Turner’s Blog

“Blogging is like masturbating into a mirror while you videotape yourself so you can watch it later while you masturbate.” -Lewis Black

Hello mirror, this is Jeremy Turner and I have a question. Why? Seriously, what the hell is this? In case you don’t want to bother following the link to jeremyturner.com, let me just describe it to you. It’s sole content is a picture of a bug-eyed dog with the accompanying copy “You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but it sure helps!” Seriously, why even bother? Why register jeremyturner.com every year, for only one year, like two days before it expires? I know this is happening because I paid almost twenty bucks to GoDaddy.com to have them purchase it for me the moment it expired. And just when I got my hopes up. BAM! Another year of torture. At least change the picture once in a while.

A more pertinent question might be why, why does The Google rank this page so freakin’ high? Today jeremyturner.com the number three result for jeremy turner. Just goes to show you what kind of influence a TLD (”Top Level Domain” like .com or .org, as opposed to the lowly .info) will get you, even if all you have to show the world is a ripped-off image from an online greeting card company. Hey Jeremy, The early-2000s called and they want their Photoshop gimmick back!

So who is this other Jeremy Turner? What do I know about him? From checking the registration info for the domain I found an @happyballs.com email. Happyballs.com is the “The” Antennaball Superstore. According to the “About Us” on happyballs.com, Jeremy Turner co-founded happyballs.com with his wife and their dog, “Rascal.” Not nearly as exciting as you’d expect, but obviously dude was on the “ball” when it comes to registering domains, otherwise happyballs.com would not be nearly as SFW as it is now. And damn if he didn’t find his niche. I wonder if antenna balls are recession proof?

I never really understood the appeal of antenna balls. I mean sure, I “get” that people think they are cute, but I always thought that their sole reason for existing was to be stolen by bored teenagers. Go ahead and keep that virtual shopping cart filled with antenna balls and denial. “Oh how cute, this GI Jack (Green Hat) antenna ball totally won’t get stolen the minute I leave my car in the Trader Joe’s parking lot!”  At HappyBalls.com, you can fill your life with adorable little styrofoam disappointments, all sure to end up flaked with dirt weed, crammed in to the backpack of a 14 year old skateboarder from the apartment building down the street. And when the owner of the Forester you’re parked next to drops her groceries and asks just what the hell are you doing on your back scraping your arms underneath their car, will you have the courage to tell her?

In a way Jeremy, you are an inspiration. I’ve clicked on the link for this site again and again, first in amusement then in frustration, then again to research this post. If you are reading, please don’t take me too seriously. I’m sure you are a nice guy and we do share the same faddish surname. Happyballs.com is acutally an OK site, which is what what makes jeremyturner.com even more of a disgrace. Your story is the great American “move to Rancho Cucamonga and start a small-business in your garage” success story. Your use of our URL is a great American FAIL. Do know that I sincerely wish you would do something, anything more with our URL than you are doing now. Feel free to take that bug-eyed dog off of your site and post something worthwhile. Even if it’s just a new picture, or better yet a link to my site. Thanks.

This post is tagged Art, blog, Blogging, google, greeting card company, Jeremy, Jeremy Turner, jeremyturner, Online, online greeting card, Rank, site, tld top level domain